One month post

Wow...more than a month has gone by since you came home from the hospital. I am still amazed, every single day, that you are here and you are mine. Most times, when you are tired, you are quite content to curl up on Mommy or Daddy's shoulder. So much so, that when we try to put you in your crib, you start fussing so we will pick you up. Daddy's a sucker...he goes to pick you up right away :)

Breastfeeding was tough. You and I pretty much realized it wasn't working and rather than both of us getting frustrated and you getting NO food, we switched to formula. You seem to like it...sucking down 2-4 oz every time you eat. The only problem is that it's affecting you pooping...poor thing.

Here is the face I see when you are pissed...



Both Aunt Jenny and Aunt Betsy got you teddy bears to measure how much you are growing. Aunt Betsy made "Bobby Bear" for you...he really is cute! Aunt Jenny and I bought your bear the day after Thanksgiving.

Here are pictures of you with the bears...






I love you so much, Patrick. I will never be able to tell you just how much I do...

Oh my god...I'm a mom!!!

This post is LONG overdue...I know. We just got our "real" internet back, and I have a spare moment while my munchkin takes a quick nap. (I hear him stirring, so this post might not actually get "posted" until later!)

Who is my munchkin you ask?



This is Sanford Patrick James Raymond. He was born on December 18th at 3:52 pm after 12 hours of labor and an emergency cesarean section. I woke up that morning at 3:00am with what I thought was Braxton Hicks contractions. After about 2 hours of regular pains, I called Ron - who was in Virginia (!!!) and my mom to come down and sit with me. We both thought it was going to be a false alarm, until we called my doctor. They said to come in and they did an internal exam and hooked me up to a fetal monitor. I was only 1/2 centimeter dialated (at 8:00am) and kept throwing up when I had a bad contraction (so much for the crackers/tortilla chips I ate before going into the doctor's!).

When they hooked me up to the monitor, they could see the baby's heartrate dropping everytime I had a contraction. Oh...and they couldn't tell I was HAVING contractions - that was a lot of fun. At around 9:00 or so, they sent us to the hospital. My dr told my mother that if she didn't think she could get me to Yale in 20 minutes to call an ambulance - they didn't want me off the monitors for any longer than 20 minutes due to Patrick's heart rate.

On the way to th hospital, we heard from Ron. I told him I needed him to tell me that if I had to have a c-section it was okay that he wasn't there. Now, I knew...the baby wasn't going to wait for him. The thing is, we had waited 4 years for Patrick and had gone through a lot to have him. I felt SO bad that Ron was so far away...

When we got to the hospital, my mom pitched a fit with the valet people :) It was pretty funny, actually. She brought me upstairs to triage, I was hooked up to the monitors again and we started trying to catch the contractions - still not registering on the monitor...crap! At that point, my FAVORITE midwife came in, as well as my doctor. I started crying, I was so happy!! They told me what was going on and asked if I wanted anything. I said "DRUGS!"

I should mention here that I have an EXTRAORDINARILY low tolerance for pain...honestly, I cannot handle pain at all. The fact that I went through 12 hours of labor amazes me to no end.

Back to the labor...

I waited for the anesthesiologist and kept having contractions. My mom held my hand the entire time - I think i may have broken one of her fingers! When the anesthesiologist came in, his name was George...I am still a little in love with him, he explained how the epidural was going to work. He said he would see me in a bit and they started getting me ready to move to the labor & Delivery room. I went to the bathroom and then walked down the hall to my room. I had to stop about 3 times to have a contraction...that really kind of sucked :( When we got to the room, I had to go to the bathroom...again. My midwife broke my water and there was meconium in it. She said "That's what I was afraid of" and checked how dialted I was again (2-3 if I remember correctly). I went to the bathroom, again, with my mom and I started saying to her "just tell them to do the c-section!" and I hadn't even had the epidural yet...as I said...NOT good with the pain!!

We went back to the bed and George came in to do the epidural. While they were putting the line in...I peed all over the place. I looked at my mom and said "I'm peeing! Mommy, I'm peeing!" :) She was trying SO hard not to laugh! My nurse was wonderful and just kept telling me to relax. Once the epidural was in, I felt better - until they started putting things inside me (internal monitor, catheter, etc). I started feeling more pain so i asked for more drugs. When they gave me more into the IV, I started feeling even worse. Apparently, I moved when they inserted the catheter for the epidural and dislodged something (?) so it didn't work :(

At around 3:00pm Pam came in to check me again. I was 5-6 cm dialated and Patrick's heart rate kept going down every time I had a contraction. Pam looked at me and said "I really want to get him out. We need to start thinking about a c-section. If you only had 1 more hour of this, I would say keep going and we could do a vaginal delivery, but you are only 5-6..." I looked at her and replied "I have not waited 4 years and gone through 3 cycles of in vitro to not have a baby. Get him out!" Pam smiled and said, "Let's go!"

At that moment, there was a flurry of activity :) I was signing papers, Mom was getting her outfit on...it was insane! Of course, the only thing I could think of to ask was "do I have to walk to the operating room?" I think the dr peed herself at that one.

We went into the operating room at 3:30pm. George met us there (i love george!) They took the epidurl out (gave me a nice back wax) and did a spinal block. This time though, the nurse was pushing against my shoulders instead of helping me to curve them - for the next 4 days, my shoulder was killing me!!! I laid down and they made sure that I couldn't feel anything. Mom was at my left shoulder and George was at my right. I told George that I loved him and he was my hero about 10-15 times :) He thought I was pretty funny...

At 3:52pm I heard, "He's beautiful!" and then the terradactyl cry that still brings tears to my eyes :) They cleaned him off and brought him to my mom. She was crying, telling him how much she loved him and thanking me over and over again for having him :) He was absolutely perfect!!!

The cleaned everything up and moved me into recovery. They had to bring him upstairs to get weighed and measured, so Mom went with him. Ron still wasn't there... :( He weighed 6 lbs 11.5 oz and was 19 inches long. When he came back down they told me they had to give him sme formula because his blood surgar was so low and put him under he lamps to heat him up. His body temp was low also. As soon as I could move my legs, they moved me upstairs to the maternity floor and into my room.

Ron got to the hospital around 8-9:00pm and cried when he saw Patrick in the nursery. He kept asking me "is he really ours?"

I am still in awe of this little person who depends so much on me. It breaks my heart everytime I see him squirm to get a burp/fart out and watching him be constipated is absolutely killing me!!! I love him so much sometimes, my chest hurts.

I mean...how can you not love this face??



I am going to try REALLY hard to make a post every month to show how much he has grown. In fact...I am going to do his one month post today (hopefully!)

thanks for listening to me ramble!